lack of communication

there are certain people in my life that i cannot communicate properly with. (with whom i cannot communicate) i think i'm allowed to use prepositions at the end of a sentence now. i digress. there are also times when i seem unable to get my point across. no matter how i try i am unable to just SAY what i want to say. could that be attributed to the time of the month? full moon? lack of carbs in my diet? the times, yes. the people......sigh heavily. i am not one to mince words. you all know this. so why can't i just talk to these people? is it fear that causes me to shut up? pride? a lovely mixture of the two? am i really 33 and still having issues like this? when does the adult gene kick in?

oh, btw. i will be blogging more.

a touch sad

the kids got out of bed late last night and they asked for daddy 1st. kinda killed me. they are now more used to him being the main parent than me. i don't love it. i love my new schedule which allows me to be here for dinner and bedtime every night but when i am here i'm tired. you know, bc of the 4 a.m awakenings. my days off are spent catching up on all the shit that needs to be done around here. i started taking iron supplements. maybe that will help.

intelligence....

sometimes i feel dumb. ok, not dumb, but just not smart. there are many, many things i don't know or care to know about. and sometimes my lack of interest in these subjects reveals itself in other areas of my life. hence the dumbness.

examples...... politics. i so don't care. i realize i *should* care. but i just don't. i tried a few times to make myself read up on stuff and to verbalize my opinions but it just never stuck. eventually, i lost interest, again, and went back to reading historical novels. this creates a problem when everyone around you starts discussing politics. i have nothing to say. like NOTHING. it's not like i don't have opinions and political views. i just choose to care so little about them that it feels like i'm not all that bright in that subject. give me a minute to talk about racial issues, adoption or passive aggressive behavior and i'll pipe right up.

another example, math. wow. i am bad at math. and i don't mind. until i have to help my 5th grader with fractions and such. such being the key word. i truly didn't pay attention in math. i like calculators. i also like grammar. spelling and punctuation (duh) i really don't care about. but please, oh please, learn how to use their, there and they're.

i'm also not very knowledgeable when it comes to being girlie. i can't fix my hair to save my life. my makeup routine is minimal, at best. i didn't pierce my ears till i was 30. i don't play the silly girl games that most girls seem to excel in. i'm REALLY good at crying but just not at the right times. i can't even think of other girl things to be bad at. that says something. i think.

spacial things. no clue. i have no idea how far away 40 yards is compared to well, anything. i can't estimate the size of anything. this might have something to do with the math issue.

i have more examples. but i'm choosing not to discuss anymore of them.

i DO know about some things though. like kids and flower gardens and color combinations and books and strange methods for healing neck aches. i can build a decent retaining wall and crate train any dog. i'm pretty good at word searches. i love, love delving into why some people act the way they do. i know where you can get a decent dresser for super cheap and which goodwill has the best books. oh, and i can make a damn good latte.