33. dang-it

i'm supposed to be somewhere right now. i don't want to be there. so i am here. at home. debating on weather i should go super late or not at all. my upcoming week is full with things i want to do. and the week after that. i'm looking fwd to all of those things. i'm dressed and i have a gift and i don't need gas. the kids are playing nicely. joe is working. the house is picked up and semi-clean. i have no excuse except i don't want to go. and being 33 don't i have the right to NOT go somewhere merely bc i don't want to go?? i think the answer is yes. it's not a family thing. maybe 2 people will notice i'm not there. and i can see those 2 people soon. i have decided. i am staying home. and i am happy with that decision.

cleanliness.......or lack thereof.

i helped a friend move last week and sent myself into a tiny panic about moving myself. all their stuff was moved in 3 trips in a couple suv's and the leftover-ness in the house was not at all filthy. i went home from said move and looked at my stuff with a movers eyes. O.M.G. first, we have too much stuff. second, all around and under the stuff is gross and dirty. like behind the stove. ew. the light fixtures in the bathrooms. whoa. the need to repaint EVERY SINGLE wall!!? see, tiny panic. i moved a pan that i hadn't used in months and it was icky. very icky. the cookbooks are dusty and it's the sticky dust of the kitchen (please tell me you know about the sticky kitchen dust). the baseboards are in desperate of washing. and i JUST did that! then yesterday, i went to a friend's apartment to watch a movie. oh~ her place was immaculate. she had no clutter. no nasty kitchen sticky dust. no dog hair....anywhere. i had envy. i also have children. and dogs. and 9 years worth of living in this place. it's the longest i have lived anywhere as an adult. i DO spring clean. and fall clean. and full fledge clean often. you can't tell though.........

sundays

i think i figured out why i don't like sundays. it's my day off, which i love, but i sit and look around at everything that needs to be done. i have no motivation to do such things. i'm tired. and i would like to sleep. or read...... preferably in the sun. or perhaps hang out with the kids, somewhere NOT at home. i truly don't know how working moms do this. does everyone have a cleaning lady? or someone that grocery shops for them? oh i know, they take Ritalin. i should get me some of that. maybe i need less stuff. but wait, it's not the stuff that is overwhelming. it's the laundry and dishes and groceries and the constant need for attention from the 4 other people who live here. and all the papers (oh my, there are lots of papers) from school. there is that pesky lawn to water (sprinklers are still busted) and the basement to reorganize (the desk moving extravaganza did a number to the rest of the downstairs) oh yes, the bathrooms need to be cleaned. i should probably get off the computer.