random thoughts of right now

the days fly. well, most days do. my weekends are monday and tuesday which makes it quite difficult to figure out what day it is any other time of the week. my fingers are so dry they are splitting. jackie chan movies have gone considerably downhill. i need to write down thoughts on every book i read~ otherwise, i can't recall anything except if i like it or not. is slapping someone considered assault? i enjoy boxed wine. i am so glad i quit the bank job. i got a couple more houses to clean~ super happy about that. i will never like mango~ just decided that. truly wish i could have a pb&j sandwich. i think my lawn will be completely devoid of grass this year. i am thankful for my fast growing hair genes but wow, this is silly. i don't think shoes should cost so much. i find it hard to be a good parent when i am an unhappy person. i love my canary. duvet covers are aggravating. i love the smell of biolage shampoo. naps should be easier. i used to think that i needed to get into at least one punching fight in my life~ i don't think that anymore. it would appear that backyards are for little kids while front yards entice the older ones. i had no idea (till just now) that entice was spelled with an e. i like pot roast way better than pork roast. mylar balloons last freaking forever. until i was a semi grownup i thought the lyrics to *secret agent man* said secret asian man. true story.

things i like. a list to remind me.

my kids

reading

coffee

sleep

dancing

book club

good food

sunshine

clean sheets

feeling accomplished

my sisters

my mom

my friends

showers

clean hair

thursday dinners

my job....mostly

grape juice

pm

wine

a clean house

good movies

dvr

pjs

fresh eggs

photos

my incredible vacuum cleaner

fresh air

the smell of rain

new possibilities

33. dang-it

i'm supposed to be somewhere right now. i don't want to be there. so i am here. at home. debating on weather i should go super late or not at all. my upcoming week is full with things i want to do. and the week after that. i'm looking fwd to all of those things. i'm dressed and i have a gift and i don't need gas. the kids are playing nicely. joe is working. the house is picked up and semi-clean. i have no excuse except i don't want to go. and being 33 don't i have the right to NOT go somewhere merely bc i don't want to go?? i think the answer is yes. it's not a family thing. maybe 2 people will notice i'm not there. and i can see those 2 people soon. i have decided. i am staying home. and i am happy with that decision.

cleanliness.......or lack thereof.

i helped a friend move last week and sent myself into a tiny panic about moving myself. all their stuff was moved in 3 trips in a couple suv's and the leftover-ness in the house was not at all filthy. i went home from said move and looked at my stuff with a movers eyes. O.M.G. first, we have too much stuff. second, all around and under the stuff is gross and dirty. like behind the stove. ew. the light fixtures in the bathrooms. whoa. the need to repaint EVERY SINGLE wall!!? see, tiny panic. i moved a pan that i hadn't used in months and it was icky. very icky. the cookbooks are dusty and it's the sticky dust of the kitchen (please tell me you know about the sticky kitchen dust). the baseboards are in desperate of washing. and i JUST did that! then yesterday, i went to a friend's apartment to watch a movie. oh~ her place was immaculate. she had no clutter. no nasty kitchen sticky dust. no dog hair....anywhere. i had envy. i also have children. and dogs. and 9 years worth of living in this place. it's the longest i have lived anywhere as an adult. i DO spring clean. and fall clean. and full fledge clean often. you can't tell though.........

sundays

i think i figured out why i don't like sundays. it's my day off, which i love, but i sit and look around at everything that needs to be done. i have no motivation to do such things. i'm tired. and i would like to sleep. or read...... preferably in the sun. or perhaps hang out with the kids, somewhere NOT at home. i truly don't know how working moms do this. does everyone have a cleaning lady? or someone that grocery shops for them? oh i know, they take Ritalin. i should get me some of that. maybe i need less stuff. but wait, it's not the stuff that is overwhelming. it's the laundry and dishes and groceries and the constant need for attention from the 4 other people who live here. and all the papers (oh my, there are lots of papers) from school. there is that pesky lawn to water (sprinklers are still busted) and the basement to reorganize (the desk moving extravaganza did a number to the rest of the downstairs) oh yes, the bathrooms need to be cleaned. i should probably get off the computer.

lack of communication

there are certain people in my life that i cannot communicate properly with. (with whom i cannot communicate) i think i'm allowed to use prepositions at the end of a sentence now. i digress. there are also times when i seem unable to get my point across. no matter how i try i am unable to just SAY what i want to say. could that be attributed to the time of the month? full moon? lack of carbs in my diet? the times, yes. the people......sigh heavily. i am not one to mince words. you all know this. so why can't i just talk to these people? is it fear that causes me to shut up? pride? a lovely mixture of the two? am i really 33 and still having issues like this? when does the adult gene kick in?

oh, btw. i will be blogging more.

a touch sad

the kids got out of bed late last night and they asked for daddy 1st. kinda killed me. they are now more used to him being the main parent than me. i don't love it. i love my new schedule which allows me to be here for dinner and bedtime every night but when i am here i'm tired. you know, bc of the 4 a.m awakenings. my days off are spent catching up on all the shit that needs to be done around here. i started taking iron supplements. maybe that will help.